doubts. Probably. Among other things

http://750words.com/entries/stats/39043
3rd (4th?) day in a row where I don't know what I'm going to write. Well, I can just... wander off or something. Do something else. I've gotta go soon, and I'm not even close to ready. Oh well. Here I am, typing when I don't especially feeel like it. io wdoner if I write long enough i'll eventually hit some sort of weird subconcious thing where I talk about some deep seated issue I have. Well, at the very least, I'll write something, even if it's nonsense. Stupid point system, keeping me writing even though I don't feel like it. Stupid me, falling for the stupid point system. Stupid person who wrote the stupid program. Oh well, that's enough times for me to say stupid, lets tlak about something else.

Writing is a weird kind of thing for me, I can't really write at all without talking to someone. I mean, mentally talking to someone. I can barely think without going into words, and it's all very conversational. All of it. I imagine someone across the way and I talk to them. Even when I'm like walking or something. Well, not exactly across the way, I mean, I hear the imaginary reply. well, that's not true either, I just sort of feeel like there's someone there that I'm talking to. No... I mena...

There's someone I'm always hypothetically talking to, holding a conversation with. For example, this thing, I'm talking to the hypothetical audience who will eventually read it. Or maybe not, I might not post this. But, Hypothetically, it'd be faid and possibly ariana and possibly heather. If they're still reading, which I doubt. got stuck here, can't really do that, gotta keep writing, even if it turns out to eb nonsense. see what I mean? i'm being drawn along by that stupid imaginary point prize. Well, no, I don't really think about that as much. I'm being drawn along by that stupid imaginary prize where, if I beat my own stupid inability to write, I'll get... something. something hypothetical and without any real meaning, other than the fact that I can write. I'm hoping that by writing this, I can write more. I guess that makes sense. There's nothing for practicing except for more writing. And then, the eventual end goal is (hopefully) more writing. That terribly circular. Should I really be doing this? isn't this pointless? Writing for the point of writing for the point of writing. God damn I repeat words too much. They just get locked into my brain and then I can't stop writing it. Maybe I should start editing peoples works. I have major troubles doing that. Sometimes, I just see something, and there's so many problems with I have no idea where to start. seriously. I just look, and I'm lost cause of all the ltitle errors and annoyances I find. Not spelling errors, microsoft has fixed that. But like... stupid grammatical things. So many so fucking many. and then I usually hand it back to the person, and I try to explain, but then they have no idea what I'm trying to say. I need to speak mor coherently. I need to like, put down a list of all my faults and then fix them one by one. That, or I need to just ignore all my faults. It's possible I'm being too self-critical most of the time. Or maybe I'm too critical in general. I point out faults. Constantly. Except when I'm too scared too, which is way more often than I should. Uhm.. that sentence didn't make any sense. Well, my typing has gotten ebtter. I ithnk. I'm getting mreo typoes, but my fingers are keeping up at least. Well, I guess that makes sense, the thing that always slowed me down the most was the backspace button, and then fixing and then missing the key and then refixing it. I wonder what my typing speed for this is? I should go back and read this again to see how many errors I find. Some people say I over think things, I know that seems like it's a random thought, but it isn't, I just went back to fix some typoes and this was where my brain was. What I mean is that I talk myself out of things too often, I think and I doubt and I rethink and then I try to doubt those doubts and I doubt all those too. And then I don't get anything done cause then I keep redoing it over and over and over and over again. Does that make sense? I retread those same paths, and then I notice that I'm doing that and then I wonder how to stop it and thne I realize I've done that before too and then I try to stop THAT. It never ends.