judgementalness

I find myself outside a lot lately during the sunset. IT's not cause I like how it looks. Well, at least I don't think so. I just find it calming to be around there at that time, you know what I mean? you probably don't. It's just, the changing of the temperature, as it gets cooler and cooler, watching the streetlights go on one at a time, it's very relaxing, I find. You should try it.

And on that note, I've got nothing else to say. I guess I could just ramble on and on about nothing again, that'd be fun. This is a good cue for those of you with a short attention span to just stop reading. Like right here. I mean... ugh. can't even continue here. Usually, i don't really stop typing. I just talk about nothing, or everything, or stupid things, now I'm hesitating a lot. I wonder why.

Oh, here's something. I find the idea of just randomly walking up to people and talking to them interesting. cause I seriously can't do it. I mean, just going up to someone, a complete stranger, on a bus or something, it's just odd. And it really shouldn't be, to wander up to someone I don't know. We're all living here in such... density, and we don't know each other. We should be more friendly with each other. I mean, what's the risk in walking up to random people you don't know. I mean, yeah, maybe you're not in the mood, or maybe you just don't like talking to people, but a polite no would work, wouldn't it? On the other hand, if you don't like talking to people, even a polite no would be annoying. Plus, this is all academic anyway, cause I can never get up the nerve to randomly talk to a person. I mean, imagine the weird things that they know, that they might want to talk about! but nobody even talks, we just sit silently on the bus.

now what? not even halfway, and I've run out of words. How about... Simpsons? I watched it yesterday, for the first time in ages. years, at least. I was at this weird dinner thing with my dad, where I was suddenly given the responsibility to cook. Wait, no, that's no accurate. I was given the responsibility to cook at the thing like a week ago, but I didn't really know all that much about cooking in the first place, so it was kind of a weird "wha?" type thing that happened. Anyways, at a strange potluck type thing with a ton of people my dad's age, who I didn't know, that's what I was expecting. Where I would just cook fish. And stand around being awkward. And maybe later, if I could find a quiet corner to sit at, read a book I already read cause I wasn't sure what else I could do there. Oh, right, forgot to say what kind of people there were. It was, a weird... uhm... hrm... I should start at the beginning. A few years back, I suppose about 06, my dad hits his mid-age crisis, I think, and suddenly realized he wasn't as educated about our Chinese heritage as we thought. So he really gets into the whole tea and buddhism and history and ancient-ish chinese literature, and it was mostly pretty interesting. On the other hand, at the same time, I started getting all these lectures about learning to think like chinese people, which is kind of weird. Anyways, about 2ish years ago, he got into this weird buddhist temple group? I think it should be called? And then he starts giving me all these judgmental lectures about (seriously) not believing in chi energy and saying how "I know you probably don't get it now, but you'll understand when you get older." Seriously. those exact words, at least 7-10 times, on separate occasions, immensely patronizing, and immensely annoying, especially seeing as he'd sneer at the fact that I did kung fu and did the whole meditation thing years ago, and he'd talk about how his way was much, much better, even though he hasn't spent more than 10 minutes at the kung fu center, so he was basically talking out of his ass, and he'd sneer at the fact that my grandma knew an acupuncturist, while in the same breath talking about how it is definitely bullshit, even though he'd never met the acupuncturist. So yes, terribly annoying. But, I think, the family took it mostly in stride. so where was I? Oh, a dinner, for basically what is a church group, only for Buddhists. Would you even call it a church group? I'm not sure. It's not like the people in the group were annoying or anything, I just didn't really know them, and they were mostly way out of my age range. They were just about all older than my dad. SO yes, awkward situations abound. Oh, by the way, do you know how to feel immensely young? Be around friends of your parents for an entire night, great way feel immature